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  • J.C. Hannigan

Mixed Bag


Life has been a bit of a mixed bag lately, if I'm being perfectly honest. I'm sure this isn't a unique feeling, and that we've all been in a similar boat.


Creativity speaking, the ideas are flowing like never before. I can't keep up, and I feel completely in love with my writing again.


Renewed. Invigorated.


But...I've also never felt more burdened by circumstance, or more weighted by the troubles of the world. It's hard for me not to take on the bad, to try to fix all the broken and problematic things I can. I'm a healer, I constantly put others needs before my own. It might be a mom thing, but I was this way before I had the boys; always so concerned with how everyone's feeling, and how I can make it better for them.


While my creativity is flourishing more than ever...my time management and prioritizing have been severely lacking. I thought I would be done at least two of the projects I currently have on the go, but I'm so far behind, it'd be laughable if I didn't feel so bad about it.


In a way, I feel like I'm letting my readers down by not delivering the stories I promised them. They reside in my heart and my mind, and they're coming...I'm just not as fast as I thought I'd be.


Being locked up with my muse hasn't been all it's perked up to be. In fact, it's been downright frustrating...to have this rushing river of ideas constantly flowing, and the inability to sit down and really get it all out. It seems like life has been pulling the rug out from me every time I find my footing again.


I recently had another gastric flare/episode. It began four days before my expected period, as has happened almost every month for the past year. On the fourth day, I went to the emergency room and found out that I had urinary tract infection. They gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way. Obviously, this doesn't explain the monthly reoccurring issues. Six days of intense abdomen pain, cramping, and vomiting, which is almost the duration of my cycle.


When I emailed my family doctor, I discovered the OB/GYN they'd referred me to had refused my referral. Another referral was sent out to a different OB/GYN, but I'm more than frustrated. I understand the pandemic has everything backlogged, but this started in February of 2018, so it's been an ongoing, endless chase since before COVID-19.


I've lost a lot of weight since this issues began. I'd lost almost eighty pounds the last time I checked. Each time this happens, it takes an immense effort to try and catch up on everything I've missed while completely out of it. We were supposed to go to Tobermory last weekend, but I got sick, so we missed our trip.


When you're chronically ill, life's as unpredictable as the sea. Storms come out of nowhere, and it takes all hands to simply stay afloat. I've capsized many times this year, even with the loving supportive network that surrounds me.


Slow and steady, as she goes. The stories are coming, as writing contains to remain my lifeboat when I'm feeling adrift.


How do you get through trying times?

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